Based on the forensic evidence I was able to determine that the WHACK! Thump. Sproinng! (thump.) (thump.) Clatter! that woke me up early this morning was caused by an orange falling from a shelf in the kitchen, hitting a spoon on the counter and launching it into the air, and rolling to a stop in the sink. Whether that chain of events was more comical than the way I clambered out of bed and wrestled a pair of pants on before going out to confront an unknown intruder depends on your perspective, I suppose. I ate the orange in the end.